May Day

May 14, 2017. The weather around here cannot decide if it is spring or winter. The grass is green now, but it is very cold. Burning wood again. It’s dropping to near-freezing at night.

It’s been the strangest, coldest and wettest spring that I’ve ever seen. I haven’t been paying much attention to what is happening elsewhere, but I heard Kansas had a freak snowstorm and lost nearly the entire wheat crop. Flooding up in Canada.

I don’t think these event will make the essential connection for the majority of people. Food comes from supermarkets anyway. Farmers will cope. Nothing to worry about.

I think they’re wrong.

I haven’t cut any of the grass. The dandelions are blooming and the bees are supposed to need the dandelions. I haven’t seen any bees. Not a single one.

Hmm, now that I think about it, I’ve only seen one yellow-jacket. It was so cold it couldn’t move.

My cat cornered a baby rabbit yesterday. It was the middle of the night. I could hear it screaming. Then it stopped. I tried going back to sleep, but then the rabbit started up again.

I got up, got dressed and went outside with a flashlight. I found the rabbit trying to hide under a tiny fern next to the shop. It was just a little guy. I scared off the cat who was anxious to pounce again. I found a small cardboard box and cornered the rabbit myself. Being the top predator on this planet, it was easy. The rabbit went into the box and then into the house.

Some shredded paper, water and a ‘good night’ to the rabbit and I went back to bed. In the morning, the rabbit was still alive, looking rather chipper. Feisty little bastard, actually.

I waited until evening to let it loose. Again, using my super-skills as the Alpha male / dominant species, I locked the cats up in the shop by blocking their access door. They both glared at me, knowing what they were in for. A long night with no killing spree. Nothing to chase, terrorize, murder. Their little demons actually, with a bloodlust that only matches humans.

Off into the forest I let the rabbit loose. He wasted no time and scampered for cover. Good luck, I thought. Hope he makes it. Short, brutal lives. Either the coyotes will devour him, or another cat will find him, or the hawks or eagles will dine on him. Such is his life.

Humans don’t connect. Food comes from nature. All of our food. Nature is in serious, serious trouble. One tiny, insignificant act of kindness or compassion will do absolutely nothing about the assault humans have inflicted upon nature. Even the bees are gone here. There are two deer that sleep next to my house every night now. They’re using me and my habitation for protection against predators. So far, so good, but I’ve seen the coyotes up close here. And I’ve lost chickens to these cruising appetites, several times.

I’m not surfing too much online. This blog contains all the warnings, news, information and ‘scare’ necessary for anyone to get up to speed on what is unfolding in our world. But like most blogs these days, it does not get updated much, and read even less. People remain distracted by the toys and times of this world. I think most of us have given up. We’re just going through this life and sort of waiting for it all to end with our death. We intuitively know that there is not much that we can do. Not when everything has been ripped out of our hands.

The young, the naive and the angry – and the greedy still think that they can ‘do something’. Maybe. But maybe not. The forces that now dominate Nature and destroy the living biosphere are out of their control too. The only thing left to do is the hard thing that nobody wants to do. Revolt, rebel, kill. Stop the evil by becoming evil itself. Otherwise, it’s just a fucking game. Legislate our way to goodness or greatness. Fool ourselves again that reform from within will work. It’s all lies.

Idiots fall for these fables, just like idiots fall for most fables. They’re stupid people, ignorant, uneducated, uninterested in learning much of anything. They’d simply rather be told. Told what to do, what to eat, what to enjoy, even what to worship. They get it all wrong. Their lives are scripted, fashioned into the form and adornment chosen for them. They don’t get it. They never will.

I think you have to go through all that yourself to figure this out. Waking up is part of it, a term that is very over-used. It’s supposed to mean a meme. A new awareness, but it really isn’t. It doesn’t mean what it seems. You don’t really wake up until you’ve had to go through a lot of shit. This world offers everyone a lot of shit. Your attitudes towards wading through shit has a lot to do with how well you will do, but it does not mean at all that you will wake up.

The essential connections to life and what it might mean, and what you might do, and how it all fits together for you is different for everybody. But there are general themes. Truths even. You can make yourself aware of these, or not. You can choose to be an ignorant, overfed slug who doesn’t care about anything. In many ways, that’s the great thing about life. But it is also one of the more evil things about life. A world full of ignorant, overfed slugs devouring everything.

I wish I had a hammer. I  would hammer the slugs into oblivion. There would be dead slugs everywhere. I don’t think I could stand the stench. It’s always better to just stay home and avoid the smell. There aren’t any slugs here, because I never allowed it. Everybody works. Hard. I cut ten cords of birch the other day. Me, with spinal stenosis. Yeah, it hurts, like a mother fucker. But who else is going to cut my wood supply? Nobody gives a shit about me. Trump sure as shit doesn’t. I’m still uninsured, still suffering, still in massive levels of pain, day after day.

It gets slightly better when I stop trying. Stop moving. But that hurts me in other ways. I’ve always been a doer. Taking on projects, tasks, things to do. My kid needed the valve cover seals replaced on the car, so I did that. Didn’t even break anything, but usually, I don’t. I can fix a lot of things.

I’ll be tearing down one of my sheds soon too. And more brush piles will have to burned. Always plenty to do around here, but to be honest, this is just the tiniest tip about what it is like to be me, and what it is I do. I’ve never been one to really share it all. Why should I? This is isn’t Facebook. My life here is probably a lot different then your life there. I’m sure we are both busy. I’m sure we both get things done. Or at least, I like to think so.

Damn it’s cold today. Dark heavy clouds covering the mountains. Yesterday I had to go to the city again and sell off some more stuff. Got ‘er done. That’s what counts for me. Get it done. We spend a lot of time yapping about stupid shit. A lot of time worrying and wrestling. It’s a huge waste of life force. Fix the shit that you can control. That might mean you have to step into a new role and do something you’ve never done before. So do it. Get it done.

I think most of my garden might fail this year. Damn. Just too much rain. Too cold. And no bees. That’s a scary thought. Food does NOT come from the supermarket. It comes from nature. And we killed it.