Let’s Go Out To Eat!

NEW YORK””Drawn by a strange force they could neither resist nor describe, millions of Americans reportedly dropped what they were doing Tuesday and, acting as if by instinct alone, gathered into one massive nationwide breadline.

According to witnesses, citizens across the country exited their homes in near unison, leaving behind growing stacks of bills, empty kitchen cupboards, and what was once a life of comfort to form the spontaneous, 2,000-mile-long queue.

Millions of Americans reported a spontaneous fear of “the long, cruel winter to come.” “Grab your coats,” uttered Michigan resident and mother of four Margaret Hochschild, who, along with her husband, was laid off more than three months ago. “Children, grab your coats and follow Mommy. We’re going out now.”

The mysterious line, which currently stretches across seven states, first took shape around 8 a.m., when former Pennsylvania steel worker Gerald Wilkins stood up from his porch and, without saying a word, walked to the corner of Douglas Street and Maple Avenue. Since then, hundreds of thousands of Americans have followed in Wilkins’ path, their feet suddenly carrying them to a destination they knew not. Nation Instinctively Forms Breadline

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