Faith Healer

George wants us to take a lot of things on faith. He doesn’t like it if we question his motives or his reasons. That’s because George is a faith healer. He knows what’s best for the country and the world. He gets his instructions from God.

Why God doesn’t inform the rest of us regarding His decisions, I don’t know, but George does this for Him. I don’t think George is very good at it, but they say that Moses had a hard time speaking too, so I guess we can forgive George for his lack of public speaking skills. But I still don’t know why George can’t perform any miracles. It seems that most things George tries to do turn out to be disasters. Well, perhaps that isn’t so bad, since God is in the disaster business Himself. I don’t know yet if God is grooming George for the God business. Maybe.

George claims that God not only listens to him, but God talks to George and George talks to God. This is something we’re supposed to take on faith, since God doesn’t talk to any of us (well, at least most of us). George can’t actually prove he’s actually hearing from God, but I suppose that doesn’t really matter. Faith isn’t something you can see. Faith is, well, faith. The substance of things not seen.

George’s mission is to heal the world of all of its sins and evils. George knows exactly what this is, he’s heard from God who also happens to be in the business of sins and evils. We’re supposed to take this on faith too, since nobody else seem to have heard from God on this matter. Well, almost nobody, there is the Pope. Still, it’s a good thing for the world that George has, leader of the free world and all that. George’s mission is irrefutable, he’s got God on his side. I haven’t asked the Pope yet how he feels about this.

God must have told George to kill a lot of people. This must mean God is also in the business of killing a lot of people. George sure is. As governor of Texas, he saw to that, and as President, he’s making sure he doesn’t displease God. I must say, George is certainly getting better at this business of killing. I should ask the Pope about this too.

George also thinks that combating terrorism with violence is a good thing for the world and the American people. This includes declaring anyone who opposes George as an enemy-combatant. We’ve all learned that if you oppose George you oppose God. God must also approve of this, since there are so many terrorists everywhere George say’s there is. It’s a good thing both George and God are in agreement, because some of us lack this faith of George. In fact, we’re in a state of disbelief, which according to George (and reportedly God), is a sin.

It must be a pretty serious sin too, since George is so busy killing a lot of the unbelievers. I hope that he won’t do that to me, can’t I always repent and convert to the faith of George?

George would like to heal us of our doubts and disbelief. This too is a matter of faith, which can only be cured by a faith-healer, and we’ve got good ‘ol George for that. George is quite good at this too, since so many former non-believers had converted to the faith of George. Unfortunately, most of them still didn’t get to hear from God like George does, although some claim they did. Sadly, some of the believers are now dead, so we’ll never know much about their conversion experience or how they still feel about the faith of George.

Maybe this is why there are so many falling away today, maybe some of these believers got tired of waiting on God to talk to them like God talks to George. Or maybe they got tired of watching some of the flock of George get blown to pieces, I don’t know. But I do know that there are now more backsliders then believers. George wants to fix that. He wants to re-instill the faith of George into us, the one he got from God, even if we don’t want it ourselves.

I must admit, I’m a little afraid of that. Will it hurt? Gosh, it sure looks like it might. Will I have to wear a cape and have electrodes attached to my testicles? I’m not sure I have enough faith for this George. I’m definitely one of the fearful. I know it’s a sin. There seems to be a growing number of us sinful, fearful types too. We’re simply too hard headed and stubborn of heart to listen to you anymore George.

I think George is beginning to resent that. He’s angry at us, or so it seems, since he’s so mad and unable to control his temper these days. If we protest or disagree, George makes sure we’re properly punished. But I’m can’t help but wonder if God still approves of this? God now seems to be punishing George lately for something. I also think God has stopped talking to George. Heck, God might even smite George, I don’t know. Where we would find another faith-healer like George? Although I suppose, God will provide. He always does.

I think George must still have faith in God, even if God is punishing him. And God must still approve of George somewhat since he’s still President and he still gets to lie and order soldiers to their deaths and bomb the hell out of whoever he wants. Maybe God and George are just having a friendly little disagreement, you know, between God and god-like men. I don’t know. Or maybe George got the faith of George just a little mixed up and God is going to fix that now by chastising George.

It’s all so confusing really. It used to be so easy, ten simple little rules you had to follow, but now there seems to be a new rule for everything. And everything has a double, triple meaning with the faith of George. All I know, there are known knowns. There are things I know I know. I also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, I know there are some things I do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones I don’t know I don’t know. I only know that I don’t know what I should know and if I knew what I should know, then what I don’t know wouldn’t be unknown and knowing what I’d know, I’d know that I wouldn’t be so damned confused!

This new faith of George that George got from God isn’t easy to understand, but it seems that George’s disciple Rumsfeld understands it perfectly well. But I admit, I still just don’t seem to get it.

I suppose also that’s why I still lack the faith of George, which makes George so mad. I’m just not smart enough to understand I guess. I’m certainly not hearing from God like George does. I didn’t even know that God had put George in charge of the entire world! Boy, the things I don’t know! This must be true, since George still gets to imprison and torture people all over the planet. I hope God can forgive me for my ignorance and especially my disbelief!

But lacking this direct line to God, I think we’re all just going to have to take all of these Godly things on the faith of George. Being hard of heart and growing harder of hearing, I know this won’t be any easier then it has already been.

But God is patient with us and evidently, George too. Thank God for that! I guess we can say it’s a good thing George isn’t God! Maybe it’s true that the shock and awe of the faith of George has been a bit hard to take, but certainly easier then passing a camel through the eye of a needle! After all, if we didn’t have God’s help, I suspect George would have us attaching electrodes to his testicles too!

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3 thoughts on “Faith Healer

  • November 3, 2005 at 12:38 pm
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    My dogs know …. I am the One True God

    the Abrahamic “desert cults of death” persist in claiming otherwise

  • November 3, 2005 at 6:38 pm
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    That’s okay, I’ve not spoken to George either. But not to worry, George has got God’s ear and we don’t need to speak to George. George has got it all under control. You can go back to sleep now.

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